Bandaid shopping

a short time ago our dog... our dog of ten and a half years was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. today was her last day.
between finding out about her cancer and last night, there was a lot of crying, petting, loving, crying, sleeping and crying. and at times there was also desperate, aimless e-shopping. mostly i found myself looking. looking and looking and looking. it felt like i wanted to fill any empty space with something, anything to look and think about, so that i wouldn't think about the sad things. of course they were still there though.
i probably have a question about bandaid shopping, but i can't formulate it right now. i will not post this weekend, but i will be back on monday with a new post, and i really hope you all are too.


Anonymous said...

Really sorry to hear - my pet is a big part of my life - take as much time as you need.


Carlene said...

You hang in there, okay? Oh, and I can tell you ALL about bandaid shopping, honey.

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry. Pets are such a wonderful part of our lives and it's terribly sad when they leave us. My thoughts are with you.

Stacy said...

I'm so so sorry.

You lost a member of your family and that's really, truly painful.

Much love.

coco said...

Thats so sad
I'm so attached to my cats I can imagine it must be so upseting

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am so sorry about your pet. We lost two dogs in three months a few years ago, and I was heartbroken. There are pet loss support groups around, maybe your vet knows of one?

take care,

Vildy said...

Sorry for your pain. I also know about filling the space. When the Newfoundland died I didn't feel right until I shoved some boxes under the table where she used to lay.

TravelGretta said...

I'm so so sorry! Just remember what a great life you gave her, and how happy she was while she was with you.

editor said...

thank you thank you thank you.

polly - it's going to take a long time. :( she was a part of our heart, and on a practical level, such a huge part of our day/routine. the absence is enormous.

carlene - xoxo

jessica - i read somewhere that pets never live long enough. that is so true.

stacy - you are the second person to put it that way and it is such a respectful attitude. it almost helps. no, it does help. far more than bandaid shopping could.

coco - it is awful.
cats live so much longer than dogs - you are lucky to have that time!

christine - the emptiness for you must have been overwhelming. our other dog passed 5 years ago, but we still had this one, and it helped somewhat. now, both gone, horrible.

vildy - a newfoundland? how luscious, how delicious. i am so sorry. how long has it been? i had to buy us a giant stuffed bear, and rearrange all the furniture (per a friend's advice). had to make changes to camouflage, just a little, the big important one.

travelgretta - that is a wonderful thing to say! (i am still wallowing in my despair. your advice sounds much better.)

it has been a wonderful bonus, to get kind comments from all of you. and without knowing me, you have definitely made me feel better. thank you!

dreamecho said...

i'm sorry for the loss in your family. we barely know each other but i'd give you a great big hug if i could.

editor said...

dreamecho - you know the expression, "it's the thought that counts"? this is one of those times. thank you.

landis smithers said...

oh god.

i just got back and am catching up. . .i am heartbroken FOR you, love. i can't even imagine the feeling (well, i don't want to, avec is asleep on me and reading your post is killing me).

feel loved from a distance. -L

editor said...

landis it is so bad. so so bad.
pure, simple sadness. and pain.

i'm glad you're back.

Anonymous said...

This is very sad. I am sorry for your pain.

I do bandaid looking - as you described. It's a safe distraction, something pretty to look out, and go numb sometimes. Bandaid shopping I do not do.

Iheartfashion said...

I'm just catching up with your blog, and SO sorry to hear about your dog. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said (better), but I send my best wishes to you during a really difficult time.
XO, Janet

Gervy said...

So sorry about your dog. It is not fair. Puppydogs should not get cancer.

Our choc Lab recently suffered with a collapsed disk in his spine. He's fine now, thank god, but I was talking to my big sister about him and said "I feel as bad as if one of my siblings were sick" and she said "I feel worse than that".

editor said...

oh my gosh gervy, i'm sure some of it is because more time has passed, but i am pretty surprised to find a comment here that actually made me laugh.